Right now I'm having a hard time deciding what to do with my life currently. I'm indecisive when it comes to choosing a major for university and then I'm worried about wasting time and money on a wrong major for me if I do manage to choose one.

@Green Soshi

Hey there, this is fairly common among people and this is probably the most difficult part of anyone's life. 

I have no right to tell you what you should do because I'm still trying to figure things out as well. But here is what I did because I have experienced something similar to your situation.

I actually stayed an extra year of high school to try and figure things out. I took some math courses and accounting. At the end of the extra school year, I came to the conclusion to do some accounting at college. I'll tell you quite honestly, after spending three years at college doing accounting, I figured out one thing. I don't like it!

Don't let this story discourage you because I'm the one feeling the pain (LOL). Jokes aside, even though I feel stupid pursuing something I don't like, those three years I've spent in accounting made me a better person. I can actually study much better than i did in high school, met some really cool people, learned some life skills that I would never have learnt, and I actually have an idea what I want to do with my life (and no it is not accounting LOL). 

Through this journey called life, you live and learn. Some people are lucky and exactly know what they want to do, but majority of people like you and I, have no clue what to do. Money comes and goes and it will be paid back eventually... you just have to be smart with your money not to be in any kind of debt. It takes time for anyone to have a final decision and have that "Eureka" moment about you're career. In your university adventure you will encounter many things, exams, assignments etc. But you have to remember all of the life skills that have learned such being able to communicate, meeting awesome people, skills such as budgeting your money, whatever. You just have to make the most of your university adventures that way you want to see it.

I must apologize ahead of time, I don't know how majors work and stuff but as cliche as it sounds, do something you like. If you don't like anything or you're cool with anything, take a year off to figure out things that you want to do with your life. If not, try to do a bit of everything first (business, science, language studies, etc.) and make a decision from there. That extra year will not be wasted if you actually consider your options about what you want to do. College could also be another option.

If you're in the process of choosing your unis, talk to people. Teachers who know you, parents, friends, guidance counselors etc. will probably tell you about a career you may have never thought of. 

Sorry if this too long for you, I just want to try my best to help you out in your current situation. Hopefully this has helped you.

Green Soshi wrote:Right now I'm having a hard time deciding what to do with my life currently. I'm indecisive when it comes to choosing a major for university and then I'm worried about wasting time and money on a wrong major for me if I do manage to choose one.

i'm also in the same situation right now. this year, i'm going to senior high school. and well, time to think about that too, haha.

well, first of all, don't pick it because it looks easy.
i mean, if you really feel that major is what you really want, what you really like to do, don't hesitate.

but well, sometimes you don't know what you want. i know that kind of feeling. all this time, i only thought about making an indie band (as a hobby). lol. i think it's good to google kinds of major. for example, you like physics and you love to make something. then you search something using that like.. i don't know, mechatronics. the point is you narrow the search with what you like.
and also, taking an interest and aptitude test (or whatever the name is) might help.

i hope it'll help. it's what people always say to me too.

somechineseguy wrote:@Green Soshi

Hey there, this is fairly common among people and this is probably the most difficult part of anyone's life. 

I have no right to tell you what you should do because I'm still trying to figure things out as well. But here is what I did because I have experienced something similar to your situation.

I actually stayed an extra year of high school to try and figure things out. I took some math courses and accounting. At the end of the extra school year, I came to the conclusion to do some accounting at college. I'll tell you quite honestly, after spending three years at college doing accounting, I figured out one thing. I don't like it!

Don't let this story discourage you because I'm the one feeling the pain (LOL). Jokes aside, even though I feel stupid pursuing something I don't like, those three years I've spent in accounting made me a better person. I can actually study much better than i did in high school, met some really cool people, learned some life skills that I would never have learnt, and I actually have an idea what I want to do with my life (and no it is not accounting LOL). 

Through this journey called life, you live and learn. Some people are lucky and exactly know what they want to do, but majority of people like you and I, have no clue what to do. Money comes and goes and it will be paid back eventually... you just have to be smart with your money not to be in any kind of debt. It takes time for anyone to have a final decision and have that "Eureka" moment about you're career. In your university adventure you will encounter many things, exams, assignments etc. But you have to remember all of the life skills that have learned such being able to communicate, meeting awesome people, skills such as budgeting your money, whatever. You just have to make the most of your university adventures that way you want to see it.

I must apologize ahead of time, I don't know how majors work and stuff but as cliche as it sounds, do something you like. If you don't like anything or you're cool with anything, take a year off to figure out things that you want to do with your life. If not, try to do a bit of everything first (business, science, language studies, etc.) and make a decision from there. That extra year will not be wasted if you actually consider your options about what you want to do. College could also be another option.

If you're in the process of choosing your unis, talk to people. Teachers who know you, parents, friends, guidance counselors etc. will probably tell you about a career you may have never thought of. 

Sorry if this too long for you, I just want to try my best to help you out in your current situation. Hopefully this has helped you.

Hello~
Your post wasn't long at all, it gave some good insights that I hadn't thought about. I enjoyed reading it and it did help me reassure myself of what I'm currently planning to do.

I was worried about wasting time but now that I think about it, you're right. The time I will be spending in college may or may not help me decide my major but it would provide me with experiences that can't be learned elsewhere and I'm sure I'll be meeting some wonderful people there as well.

I haven't heard of people staying an extra year of high school since they're usually so eager to get out but it's actually a pretty interesting idea for people still figuring stuff out rather than taking a year break after graduation especially if you get free classes.

For now, I'll be taking the basics and trying out different electives for 2 years at a college instead of heading straight to a university. The only troublesome thing about that is my major would be undeclared so looking into universities later on for credit transfers would be tougher. Well, better start explaining to my Asian parents my plan since they're so vehement about me being a doctor/lawyer/engineer/etc. (-_-')

May I ask what you're going to do now since you figured you didn't like accounting?

jona DJ wrote:

Green Soshi wrote:Right now I'm having a hard time deciding what to do with my life currently. I'm indecisive when it comes to choosing a major for university and then I'm worried about wasting time and money on a wrong major for me if I do manage to choose one.

i'm also in the same situation right now. this year, i'm going to senior high school. and well, time to think about that too, haha.

well, first of all, don't pick it because it looks easy.
i mean, if you really feel that major is what you really want, what you really like to do, don't hesitate.

but well, sometimes you don't know what you want. i know that kind of feeling. all this time, i only thought about making an indie band (as a hobby). lol. i think it's good to google kinds of major. for example, you like physics and you love to make something. then you search something using that like.. i don't know, mechatronics. the point is you narrow the search with what you like.
and also, taking an interest and aptitude test (or whatever the name is) might help.

i hope it'll help. it's what people always say to me too.

Thanks for the advice. I have tried some career and aptitude tests before and it did give me an idea of what I wanted which was in criminal justice forensics but after doing more research about it, it didn't seem like a career for me so now I'm back to square one.

I think making an indie band as a hobby is a really cool idea. Who knows, maybe you'll have a starting out story like Scandal. =]

Green Soshi wrote:

somechineseguy wrote:@Green Soshi

Hey there, this is fairly common among people and this is probably the most difficult part of anyone's life. 

I have no right to tell you what you should do because I'm still trying to figure things out as well. But here is what I did because I have experienced something similar to your situation.

I actually stayed an extra year of high school to try and figure things out. I took some math courses and accounting. At the end of the extra school year, I came to the conclusion to do some accounting at college. I'll tell you quite honestly, after spending three years at college doing accounting, I figured out one thing. I don't like it!

Don't let this story discourage you because I'm the one feeling the pain (LOL). Jokes aside, even though I feel stupid pursuing something I don't like, those three years I've spent in accounting made me a better person. I can actually study much better than i did in high school, met some really cool people, learned some life skills that I would never have learnt, and I actually have an idea what I want to do with my life (and no it is not accounting LOL). 

Through this journey called life, you live and learn. Some people are lucky and exactly know what they want to do, but majority of people like you and I, have no clue what to do. Money comes and goes and it will be paid back eventually... you just have to be smart with your money not to be in any kind of debt. It takes time for anyone to have a final decision and have that "Eureka" moment about you're career. In your university adventure you will encounter many things, exams, assignments etc. But you have to remember all of the life skills that have learned such being able to communicate, meeting awesome people, skills such as budgeting your money, whatever. You just have to make the most of your university adventures that way you want to see it.

I must apologize ahead of time, I don't know how majors work and stuff but as cliche as it sounds, do something you like. If you don't like anything or you're cool with anything, take a year off to figure out things that you want to do with your life. If not, try to do a bit of everything first (business, science, language studies, etc.) and make a decision from there. That extra year will not be wasted if you actually consider your options about what you want to do. College could also be another option.

If you're in the process of choosing your unis, talk to people. Teachers who know you, parents, friends, guidance counselors etc. will probably tell you about a career you may have never thought of. 

Sorry if this too long for you, I just want to try my best to help you out in your current situation. Hopefully this has helped you.

Hello~
Your post wasn't long at all, it gave some good insights that I hadn't thought about. I enjoyed reading it and it did help me reassure myself of what I'm currently planning to do.

I was worried about wasting time but now that I think about it, you're right. The time I will be spending in college may or may not help me decide my major but it would provide me with experiences that can't be learned elsewhere and I'm sure I'll be meeting some wonderful people there as well.

I haven't heard of people staying an extra year of high school since they're usually so eager to get out but it's actually a pretty interesting idea for people still figuring stuff out rather than taking a year break after graduation especially if you get free classes.

For now, I'll be taking the basics and trying out different electives for 2 years at a college instead of heading straight to a university. The only troublesome thing about that is my major would be undeclared so looking into universities later on for credit transfers would be tougher. Well, better start explaining to my Asian parents my plan since they're so vehement about me being a doctor/lawyer/engineer/etc. (-_-')

May I ask what you're going to do now since you figured you didn't like accounting?

Hey again,
It may be a little troublesome to get into a university when declaring your major but the two years times will give you a better insight of what you really want to do instead of wasting your money on a major that you don't want to do. (Comparatively speaking university vs college) 

What you can also do maybe volunteer as well. I know this is extremely difficult to balance with school, but again another thing may spark in you! Having Asian parents are scary because they know Kung Fu and have the ability of using anything within their grasp as a weapon! LOL! But hopefully, try to explain the situation to them and pray to the Gods that they understand. I'm pretty sure they will though having to experience themselves at your age. If not, the money explanation can work =).

Hmm... as of now, I'm trying to get my diploma for accounting and financial services. The really stupid thing is I just need to do one more course to graduate, but unfortunately I didn't pass the pre-requisite to that course. (I failed math 1 therefore I can't go into math 2). In the time being, I'm doing that course as well as another one, at the same time, working part time and volunteering at my school. 

If you need any more help, have any questions or just wanna talk, we'll try our best to answer them. Good luck.

You people are really helpful. I mean you're not bothered to write such long post in order to help. Sugoi.
Anyway i'm in the same situation with Adii and Green Soshi (kind of). I've just graduated from college (med school) and i just don't know how to proceed further with my life since i don't find any of the options appealing. As a result i've been in this existential crisis for about a month now, you know, who am i, where do i belong and stuff. I agree with the posts above and i think that indeed, in such situations the best option is to just step aside and take a break.

@yu1ku

Hey there, I find it a little strange that you can't get a job in the medical field (assuming you are in the same position as our friend Adii) mainly because my family have driven the fact that you will always get a job in the medical field. If this is the case, don't beat yourself up. It is very difficult to get a job nowadays but the thing is you have to keep trying in order to get where you want to be. To do that, maybe you can talk to your friends and/or family about trying to get a job in the medical field be it volunteering or landing the actual job. 

If you are in the same position as our friend Green Soshi, try doing something that you like. I'm assuming since you graduated from med school, you have a general interest in that field. Maybe what you can do is volunteer at hospitals or retirement homes. Another option is you can go back to school and do something that you like(provided that you don't really like anything related to meds) or get your doctorate / masters in the meds 

Perhaps the options that you have are not appealing is because you are not very open? Maybe you are limiting yourself to only the options related to your field. Try new things! It is hard to be creative with your options but try talking to people and you may find out something that may interest you. 

We all have those moments where we think to ourselves, what am I good for and these questions are indeed very difficult to answer because you have to look for the answer yourself. I ask myself those question almost everyday, but you just have to talk to people or do something productive to give rid of that mindset. I'm assuming that you are in your early 20s so you probably still have some time on your hands to make a switcharoo with another career.  

So what you can do now is maybe take a break. But you have to make sure it is productive by either doing volunteering, working or taking part time classes. Hopefully during this break something will come up. Just remember, if you do not give up on the road on getting there, you are not on the wrong road.

Hopefully these generic answers will spark something in you. Good luck.

Arigatou. Yeah i'm gonna take all these into account. Many of us need to take some time off for introspection from time to time. And you're right that this period should rather be invested in useful stuff than wasted. The thing is that seeing the medical profession from inside, i've come to believe that it is overrated. On the other hand maybe it's the burnout talking. Anyway.

Adii wrote:I don't know whether I should blame myself or another thing because of this problem.. but I really find it difficult to find a suitable job. I have aspired long enough to be a programmer.. I wanted to be in the profession but still I can't be able to get what I worked for after four years of studying in college. It hurts me to think that I'm not capable or better enough.

I am just so frustrated with many other things aside from this issue and I don't know what to do, so I pretend to not be mindful of all these problems, but I really feel like giving up. I know it's a wrong mindset, but I've always felt like giving up on many instances but regardless I still continue to pursue them. I know persistence is a good quality but there are some particular cases that you need to stop if it's already too much. In my case, I don't really know. 

It's not bad to love, whether a love for other person, or that of interest, inclinations.
And since we do love these things, we tend to aim for them, and give our best, that shows strength in us, the ability to display determination.

You want to find a job that is related to what you've learned, i can see that, well, that is but correct, since you can function well when you know how to do things.
But as you stated, things don't go the way you want them to, although, practically, you've made a vow of being a programmer.

To say directly that you should give up, would be inappropriate since i don't really know your situation, so if i'm to talk about the matter, give it some shots still, but when it fails, i think you should consider things then, it might be a sign rather, a call for a new opening.

somechineseguy wrote:@Adii

Hey bro, since you and I are roughly the same age (yes I do some stalker part time as well hahaha) I completely understand where you are going with this. It does hurt knowing that you studied for something that you want to become but fall flat on your face when you can't find a job.

It may be harsh to say this, but maybe this was a profession that you are not meant to be in. For example, I've always wanted to be an accountant. But after some courses and what not and seeing how others were doing much much better than I, I've done some thinking and come to the conclusion that I just can't do accounting. Guess how long I've spent on my accounting program? 3 years!

Now, I'm not saying to completely give up on something that you love so much, but it's something to really think about. Don't beat yourself up for not getting a suitable job, I mean it takes time for everyone to build up their skills and to reach for the sky. A perfect example would be Scandal!

What makes me respect them so much is that they started off with nothing... and I believe watching this back when I was first introduced to them (in an interview), I believe they had very little attendance watching them perform on the streets and actually made their own flyers. For me, that takes a lot of heart and hard work... and look where they are now six years later. 

Everyone has a certain hidden talent or something that they were just made to do, like Scandal. It is actually very common for people to make career changes or not get a job because of the economy (I'm pretty sure this is the situation you are in right now), they thought they liked this profession but want to switch into something else, or they found another passion. For the moment, perhaps take some night courses for different subjects and still pursue your passion which may or may not be programming by applying to some places. 

Again, everyone is still searching for their own path, myself (and I'm pretty sure everyone in this forum) included. Life is full of ups and downs, and has many paths that one could take. Some people may find the Eureka moment faster than others, but that doesn't mean you won't experience that either.

I don't want you to think that you completely wasted your four years of college because that's not true! Think of all the skills you have learned, people you have met, and all those caffeinated drinks you had for staying up late (LOL)! 

Jokes aside though, the skills you have learnt may be another path to another career. I don't know what they are, but get the negative mindset of you wasting four years out the window. It's not going to help. Talk to people. Talk to your professors, parents, siblings, friends whoever! Try to get that connection to help you land the desired job that you've always wanted.

Just remember, if you do not give up on getting there, you are not on the wrong road. 

Hiei wrote:It's not bad to love, whether a love for other person, or that of interest, inclinations.
And since we do love these things, we tend to aim for them, and give our best, that shows strength in us, the ability to display determination.

You want to find a job that is related to what you've learned, i can see that, well, that is but correct, since you can function well when you know how to do things.
But as you stated, things don't go the way you want them to, although, practically, you've made a vow of being a programmer.

To say directly that you should give up, would be inappropriate since i don't really know your situation, so if i'm to talk about the matter, give it some shots still, but when it fails, i think you should consider things then, it might be a sign rather, a call for a new opening.

I thank you all for generously imparting your insights. .hail.

I've been contemplating about the problem I've had before and I figured that a fusion of non-competitiveness and discouragement were the main reasons why I haven't been able to 'find' a suitable profession that I so desire; and it has something to do with my personality. I admit that I am not a competitive person. I do not voluntary engage in competing unless I am dragged into it, and in addition - I as a perfectionist, often becomes easily discouraged whenever I set myself standards and I end up not complying with them, which had been the root-cause of discouragement that I felt like giving up on trying and pressing on further.

Considering that the world around us (especially in the professional fields) are full of competitive people-pleasing individuals, it is necessary to be competent whether you like it or not. That being said, a person like me needs heaps of motivation to become more competitive, and to not take failures seriously. It seems difficult, but it is necessary, and I have no choice to keep on trying until I get what I want. Now this determines how much I want it so much - that I won't stop at nothing to achieve it. And that's where (50%) half of the motivation comes, the rest are from yourself and of course the initiative to do it.

I've assessed myself. I think I have learned to overcome discouragement and to be more patient, so I've tried once again. As of now, I am already a Software Compliance Engineer on a certain company. It is not what I expected to get, still.. as I have been aiming to be a programmer. Although being an SE is related to my profession, it is way different from programming. One cannot practice his/her programming skills since being an SE is more on the administrative side of IT, not focusing on the technical skills. There is also a difference with the social environment since a programmer usually works in a team, while an SE works solely, but I feel like this is a job suitable for me other than being able to practice programming.

To the people who are dealing with the same situation I've dealt with, I believe that when you have already done what needs to be done, your labor will be not in vain. If you cannot achieve it now, then you will eventually. Maybe it's not just the right time now, but the appointed time will definitely come; or maybe it's not what you are called to do, but there is something in store for you that you will also love doing.

I hope some people who have had the same problem as me could relate to who I am, I know I am not the only one with such an attitude.

@somechineseguy: Stalking? You mean looking at other people's profile? That's not such a bad thing! Thank you, you were helpful and encouraging. 

@Hiei: Thank you. I totally agree to your post! I did consider that before I had realizations.

yu1ku wrote:You people are really helpful. I mean you're not bothered to write such long post in order to help. Sugoi.
Anyway i'm in the same situation with Adii and Green Soshi (kind of). I've just graduated from college (med school) and i just don't know how to proceed further with my life since i don't find any of the options appealing. As a result i've been in this existential crisis for about a month now, you know, who am i, where do i belong and stuff. I agree with the posts above and i think that indeed, in such situations the best option is to just step aside and take a break.

It's not bad to take a break, then.  Everyone has their own 'break', yours will come sooner. It's definite because I've just received mine. (After going through struggles, haha! xD)

@Adii

Looks like you landed a job related to your profession! That's great! It's good to see that the schooling that you've done has been productive for you and I'm glad that things are going your way. You are right though about the competitive pleasing individuals... I don't like them but people do that.

I've assessed myself. I think I have learned to overcome discouragement and to be more patient, so I've tried once again


^This made my day. Time heals all wounds and even though it may not be the ideal job that you would like, it is a start. When you build up your resume and yourself, you will become that professional person that you want to be. But the way I see it, your observations of the world around you seem like you have a better understanding of how things work and you are working around it. I think that's a big step of... maturity.

Keep doing what you are doing and use the competitive environment situation that you explained as a healthy way of driving your motivation!

Back to the stalking issue... I don't do a very good job because if you noticed in the first sentenced, I called you a "bro" (I thought you were a guy due to the blue lock signal! Xd)

I just wanna complain. I know no one can help me. 

Procedures in France are so complicated. Like the fact I am obliged to call their energy provider so I can switch bill to my name. I had so much troubles till I get the stats from the electrical counter. 
My lectures started this way and I am still not sure if I'll study English or Russian. I hope they signed me up for Russian because those English classes would be wasted time. I am also uncertain to which class I had to choose I got in... And I have no idea when I will get the complete schedule for classes. This is all very confusing, I wish they told us when and how we will get it. 
It seems I will have different lectures every week and some lectures I will only have twice a month but I am uncertain when exactly. 

On top of that it seems that most people in my group already know each other so I haven't talked to anyone yet.  There was one couple in Biochemistry class today which was completely uninterested by the lecture. They spent their whole time talking, playing with their phones and even eating. I got pissed off because it's hard for me to understand scientific lecture anyway but them talking right next to me was even more annoying. 

Also I feel like I have some superiority because in Cellular biology and Biochemistry I knew almost 90% of the materiel, though in Biochemistry I had huge problems with names in French but I will take some time to learn it. The thing is I am already good at that and I had highest marks in school in those subjects.

Yeah, we're talking all the time. 
I'm a bit sad I haven't met anyone yet but I didn't have many chances. I was mostly dealing with institutions lately.

Wow, this Topic is still alive. I thought my topic would be dead. 

I've been very busy with my Thesis preparation and upcoming Oral examination which kills me, since the professors expect me to know what they knew. Heck, I'm don't even have my first degree yet. and they expect me to learn more than what they give. 

Time is so tight that today is the first day since these 2 months I can relax and open SH. My problem is always with time, I never had enough of it. or maybe I'm bad with time management. Anyway, I'm back. 

Great topic - Scandal Heaven has a lot member-interaction threads. Pree cool XP 

I think I'm in pretty... big trouble. I have two tests to make up for, a project that's overdue, and late assignments to hand in. I'm usually a good student but something happened last year that's really affecting me this year. I just want to get it off my chest and into words somewhere. I don't know whether skipping a year of school and not graduating with my friends is worth it... It's been on my mind forever.

To the girl who keeps on harassing me then claims she is my friend because we hung out for a bit (just because I had no friends before) I'm not the type of person who can be straight up and voicing my opinion and thoughts because I don't want to offend anyone. She is also the type of person to make the biggest fuss out of the smallest problem which I really cannot be bothered with. I am a very laid back type of person. 
To ***** Excuse me girl but, NO I don't want a boyfriend, NO I don't do anything dirty so stop running around telling stupid lies, NO those jokes are not actually funny and you should be able to take what you deal without running off to the bathroom anytime someone treats you in the slightest that you treat them. I also find it very awkward when you hug me for over a minute and say the phrase which I cannot repeat here (or anywhere in fact). Another thing, stop acting like you have the worst life in the world, embrace all the positive things in life because you don't know how much longer you'll have the things and people you love. Whenever you claim I'm your 'Bffl' just remember that means supporting and listening as well, life isn't your own personal movie. It's reality. There are many other people around you with feelings and emotions who go through as much pain as everyone else. Cherish your loving environment, make life happy. No one's going to turn your life around, be your own superhero. I am not a punching bag or a teddy bear, I am a person and that is how I expect to be treated.

P.s. Please stop sending me pics and always boasting about your boyfriend, I know your trying to make me jealous but frankly I really don't care because I don't want to be in a relationship right now so please respect other people's opinions and interests, anime is not what you say and I'm allowed to like it and not be all those things you name me. We are all entitled to our own opinions. 

Wow this feels good.

@Racheiru
Great to see another Canuck on this forum. I feel like there aren't many Canadian Scandal fans but how would I know ahaha!

Provided that you are still in high school, you just have to manage your time well. I don't know how you managed to dig yourself into a hole this deep, but you have to just finish all the above things that are currently having struggles with. You have set your priorities straight first such as studying/finishing up your project before hanging out with friends or playing video games for example. It may seem pretty obvious but it's hard to do inn reality.

The above paragraph assumes that you are just a procrastinator, like myself xD. If something really did happen to you in the past (I'm assuming someone close to you has passed on) then we are sorry for your loss. Given that situation, I'm pretty sure that people around you are aware of that and will give you that extra time to finish things on time. If you really need to talk to someone, I think your guidance counselor would give you good insight on how to handle the situation or if you really just want to talk to someone. 

At the end of the day, you still have to get those listed things above done. It's hard to think about a test or assignment when so much is hanging in your head. It's difficult yes, but you will become such a stronger person if you can surpass this trial. Personally, I don't think you should even skip a year of high school because... well think about it. It's pretty embarrassing if you are "that" person who is still in say grade 11 when your friends are in university/college.  

Don't worry though, you aren't as big as trouble as you think you are. You will get through this.

@TsTheName
You wrote quite a lot of... things that are bothering you ahaha (I think it took around 30 minutes to write :0). 

Yes I don't like those people either, who talk a lot of stupid things and say things that just want to boost their ego as well. Just like you are, I'm a very laid back person and have the mentality of "not caring" every time they say something. 

I'm not the type of good person to handle these situations because again like you, I don't like voicing up my opinions about others especially if they hurt the person. But if this person is REALLY bothering you(I'm assuming she is), take little stepping stones on saying no or disagreeing with her and explain why. (I think she is the tunnel vision type.)

If that don't work, then... well you can direct her to her boyfriend or her other friends. She may have a reason for calling you her "BFF". Again, I don't know the whole reason behind it, but she may have some problems that we may not be aware of and maybe is seeking you as a sort of "refuge". It could be the fact that she's just lonely. 

I think it will "feel better" if you told her all of this stuff you just posted... of course not in a harsh tone. Tell her what you think, like not wanting to have a boyfriend, telling jokes on others behind their backs is harsh, and tell her the reality that you know, there are others out there who are trying just to survive and will risk their life just to go to school, like that Pakistani girl, Malala. Again, if she is in denial or whatnot, you can tell her for example... if you consider me your BFF, your BFF should tell you the truth and things straight up. BFFs look out for each other and if you can't handle that... then well it's your loss, something along those lines. 

I don't know if this will help... but hopefully it gives some insight of handling your situation.

@Ferdinand
Glad to see that your back buddy and yes, your posted topic is still alive and running.

@somechineseguy 

Actually, my incident involved a phase of depression followed with after effects that turned my whole school-life around - I'm not even sure if it'll come back. I am better now, so.. yeah. You're right that finishing and catching up is actually harder than it sounds. I've decided to stick with school and see how it goes. Thank you for your encouragement and advice =) 

What a coincidence! I'm not a hockey fan but I am certainly Canadian XD It's funny though because most of the people I have talked to (not many) are all from Canada. I was beginning to think there might be more than what I initially thought but... hmm I guess I was wrong =\ Hope to find more~

@TsTheName

I had a "friend" EXACTLY like that (even the way she called me her BFF after she hung out with me once). Well, she wasn't as harsh but still. She stuck to me and even followed me after I switched schools (not to avoid her. Just to get closer to my current high school and she transferred a year later). I felt like she treated me as a possession and I hated that feeling. I am also like you and tend to keep thoughts to myself and stay generally nice and laid back. I think she stuck to me because I was the only one who was nice to her and she didn't really have any friends =\ 

I have learned that you should not beat around the bushes actually. Don't leave the situation as is or else it'll get worse. I think she does not sound like a good friend and I don't think it's mean at all to voice your opinion. Even though you're not fond of it, it makes things a lot easier. If she hates you afterwards then that means you two were never really friends. I wouldn't want to have to worry about someone like that throughout my life. I don't know what will happen to the rumours but you don't seem to care about those things and they die out eventually. 

As for me, she went to a different high school so I haven't seen her since >< 
She did call once and tried to brag about all her new friends but maybe my voice sounded bored so I think she got the message. She didn't call again. What I learned? You can be nice but not taken advantage of at the same time.

Can I add my problem here, if I may?

Well, recently I broke up with my girlfriend. At first she was nice, but then after a few months she changed. She wouldn't come to see me so much and she would always be too busy to see me, even though she used to make time before. I know she wasn't cheating on me, she's not that type of girl. But anyways, after a while she would only reply to my messages or take my calls when she wanted to which was almost never. 

In the end I got sick of it, she was so selfish and had a real bad temper. If things didn't go how she wanted then she would get really mad. She didn't appreciate or cherish me as a boyfriend. I did so many things for her and never got anything in return. Not even a thank you. So I broke up with her.

The problem is, I loved her. Very much and even after a month of breaking up with her, I still love her. Even after the way she treated me, I know I'm stupid...but I'm finding it so hard to move on. Anyone can give me some advice?

@Sensei Steve

That is very unfortunate that you treated her very nicely and you didn't get the same treatment in return. Maybe she is treating you like this maybe because she under stress? I wouldn't know but something must have changed during those months where you two have spent the time together. 

Keep in mind, that I never had a girlfriend (and probably never will... xD) so I'm not sure if my advice would be any helpful to you.

In my opinion, it looks like it is unrequited love (a love where you like someone but they don't return it back). You could check this website out... I find it has some helpful hints to regain back your composure. http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Unrequited-Love (Yeah I know it's Wiki, not the best... but better than nothing lol).

I don't want to sound like a jerk, but maybe she only saw you as a friend and now just wants to back away from you or didn't see you as the "right" person... maybe she wants time to herself. 

People make mistakes. Sometimes, things could work for the better, and other times, it may not work so well. I had experienced something like this as well, where I told a girl I like my feelings but she didn't return them. Sure, I felt like crap and embarrassed, but I moved on. I still keep in touch with her (not very often, she is busy with her studies) through Facebook and just talk for like five minutes. You just got to move on, try not to let your feelings hold you back. Perhaps you are feeling that you still "love" her because you want that companionship and that secure feeling of knowing people? 

My good friend had a girlfriend like that as well (she was very selfish, bossy, and a little crazy). In my opinion, if what you state is true (being selfish, bad temper, not appreciative) then I think it is a good thing that you left her. That's just me though. 

There are many fish in the sea, and if you keep yourself and your options available, then the right person will come for you. Just keep in mind, however, that you shouldn't splurge on your significant other or else the same thing may happen again.

Hope this advice or rant was helpful from a lonely and single Chinese guy.

This is a nice topic.

I just felt like sharing this here because I have no one to talk to right now, and this is making me feel weird and a bit useless. I've been in a band since 2009, and now it's over. Not "officially" over, but, well, by all means over.

It sucks because, in the beginning, we were like family. We already had almost 20 original songs, but we could only record one of them because these things are crazy expensive here and none of us ever made much money. Now all of that was a waste, and that makes me feel like the smallest creature, because we worked so hard. It sucks because it's not even like we sat down, had a meeting, exposed the problems and said "well, we can't do this anymore". No, everyone just got distant. The only one I still talk to without a months break is the other guitarist, who is also my best friend.

We were finally recording this year, we were going to register 4 of our songs. But everyone did so much shit that only one was finished and we left another one in half. After all these years, when I finally thought something was going to work, everything gets screwed. Our drummer left right before we went recording, our bassist doesn't take any responsibilities and didn't pay his part of the recording, and our vocalist just stopped going to the studio suddenly. Everything was left unfinished, and I'm just so mad. It's been six months since the last time we were all together in the same place.

I'm mad because the people who talked really big about responsibilities were the ones who wouldn't take them in the end, and it sucks. This band saved me from really going into depression back in 2009/2010, and it's all screwed up now. I don't even touch my guitar anymore.

My best friend is annoying the heck out of me-I know it doesn't really sound like stress,though. She's dressing like me, doing her hair like me, and pretending to like the same music as me. It's kind of creepy She asked for a guitar when I told her I was going to get one no matter how long it took, and she asked her father for one. I didn't mind because we agreed we would learn together. She doesn't know what brand it is because she doesn't care, she doesn't tune or string it... Worst of all she doesn't play it. I literally feel bad for the guitar :freeze:  She calls like 20 times a day and pretends to like SCANDAL. I know it doesn't sound like much, but imagine someone dressing like you, doing their hair like you, pretending to like the same music as you, calling 20 (that's an exageration more like 10) times a day, and pretending to have the same passion as you. She also gets jealous when I get close to other friends...

@spin_along

Wow! I didn't know you played the guitar! I can see why now that Mami is your favourite band member... it all makes sense n_n. I'm pretty sure the people here would LOVE to hear your songs + the song that you've recorded!

From what you wrote, it does sound like a really big kick in the teeth that the band just... disbanded. It is very disheartening and makes you really feel down after all that work you've done to accomplish where you are today. 

I wouldn't say that all that work you've done was all for waste however. It seems that it has kept you out of depression during your 2009 year as you've stated. Without the band, just imagine, where will you be today? The band was not just there for you to make a record. In my opinion, it was there to save you. Hence, this is why you are here today!

I wouldn't say that your band members backed away for their responsibilities, if they didn't have any, you would not have made your first record song. The responsibilities they had back then could be different now... it's just unfortunate that maybe you guys didn't share vision. People's responsibilities change overtime... maybe they have financial problems, family problems... what have you. I don't think you should throw them into the flames because of such a reason. Who knows, they may be working so they could finance the band.

But don't let the past put you down. Instead, keep it as one of your treasured memories that you've had. It is something for you to keep and no one can take that away from you. I'm pretty sure you guys had a blast doing all of those songs, goofing around and all that stuff. The hard work was not for naught, but rather, it has made you the person you are today.

Here is a quote I find that is somewhat suitable for your situation... “Unfortunately, the clock is ticking, the hours are going by. The past increases, the future recedes. Possibilities decreasing, regrets mounting.”  - Haruki Murakami.

If you keep thinking the band idea you had was a waste, then you are putting yourself back into depression. Instead, I think you should pick up that guitar and keep playing. With that talent you have, is something most of us (Something I know I wish I had) wishes that we could have but can't.

@MamiSoul

Call me a jerk, but I actually chuckled a bit because of the awkward situation your friend has put you in. If you have headaches, take some Tylenol =P

Jokes aside, it shouldn't really be your problem if your friend has bought a guitar but doesn't play it. I seriously don't see why that should bother you. Instead, that should really bother her parents because they've spent a lot of money for an instrument that's only there to collect dust. 

I really don't know what to say, but I would personally just ignore it as best as you can on the side because you know what you like. hopefully, she'll come to her senses some time and eventually will find her own niche. 

Another option is telling your friend the things that are bothering you. It may hurt yes, to tell her the honest truth but at least it can relieve some tension that you are having right now.